stone? wonder? cloud?

well... so... i took a cheezy, hippy name quiz, on facebook some time ago... it said my hippy name should be 'stone wonder cloud'... hmmm???... more 'bout that a 'lil later.

sooo much still goin' on in my heart right now...

so there is thing... developing in me, being outworked through me...
that i can take no credit for... and have almost no control of... and it's good.

after all, the only real control i have anyway, is surrender... true release.

so i sit here... and i think... and i write... but i really just wanna go to bed... just can't though... not just yet anyway... 'cuz i have to get this out...

i still can't believe what GOD has done... what HE has brought me through... all HE has done... to get me here... when i really think about it anyway... and guess that's the slightly disturbing part, 'cuz i shouldn't have to think about it... i should know it all the time... i should wear it like a crown...

but i don't...

and this season... is so very different from so many... intense... and very serious... and overwhelmingly... seemingly... hopeless seasons i have known... peace, joy, hope, fun... love... GOD...

and such expectation in this richly soiled greenhouse of growth...

yet i take it for granted...

yet i murmur and grumble like an idiotically, ungrateful, israelite wandering through the desert...

'cuz u see, the most frustrating part is...

that i am no stranger to this so called 'desert' and sadly enough, have at times, i'm sure.. grown un-comfortably close and all too familiar with it... through the desert and around the mountain... again and again and again... finally crucifying and putting to death those nasty wilderness mentalities that have stolen from me for so very long... or so i thought.

finally seeing the promised land on the horizon... entering in... with faith, with wisdom, with understanding... like joshua and caleb... sensing the giants, feeling the giants, seeing the giants... taking up courage and choosing to fear not... knowing my GOD is bigger... my GOD is greater... my GOD is mighty!.. HE said it, so HE will do it... 1 thes 1:5 HIS WORD does not return void... and HE indeed does work out all things for good. rom 8:28... miraculoulsy... amazingly... how'd HE do that-ingly???!!!???!!!...

guess what i'm tryin' to say is... circumstances don't matter... period.

no matter how big, how ugly or how scary they may appear... what GOD says matters... alone... period.

i know this because i lived it... and i still do... HE is faithful... and i miss HIM like crazy... crazy alright... but how can that be? how can one miss the EVER PRESENT, OMNISCIENT, MAGNIFICENT EVER LIVING GOD... the MAKER OF HEAVEN and EARTH, the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE, the ALPHA and OMEGA, the BEGINNING and END, the LOVER of my SOUL the LIFTER of my HEAD, my REDEEMER, my SAVIOUR, my FATHER, my GUIDE, my BEST FRIEND...???...

guess it's those very seasons of desperate need when our souls anguish and cry out where we can recieve HIM... like a seed in the soil, in a time of drought... its' roots must go deep. deep. deep... to find water... so it can live. live. live... refreshed... and ready to bear beautiful and much needed fruit...

its' puzzle piece to the world...

it's a battlefield of the mind...

know your enemy, i know mine...

we don't wrestle against flesh and blood but rather against powers and principalities and all dark things in the heavenly realm... eph 6:12...

casting down every high thing that exalts itself aganst the knowledge of GOD, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of CHRIST... 2 cor 10:5.

so apparently my hippy name is... stone wonder cloud...

hmmm??

water flowed from the STONE...
in the desert.

the WONDERs of GOD were in abundance...
in the desert.

the CLOUD protected the isrealites by day from the harsh elements...
in the desert.

thank GOD for the desert.

daaaang. (with dramatic emphasis here)... i can't believe i just wrote that...

hmmm?

selah.

Psalm 40 (New King James Version)

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.

2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

3 He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,
And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

5 Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered.

6 Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.

7 Then I said, “Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.

8 I delight to do Your will, O my God,
And Your law is within my heart.”

9 I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness
In the great assembly;
Indeed, I do not restrain my lips,
O LORD, You Yourself know.

10 I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth
From the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD;
Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me.

12 For innumerable evils have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up;
They are more than the hairs of my head;
Therefore my heart fails me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me;
O LORD, make haste to help me!

14 Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion
Who seek to destroy my life;
Let them be driven backward and brought to dishonor
Who wish me evil.

15 Let them be confounded because of their shame,
Who say to me, “Aha, aha!”

16 Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let such as love Your salvation say continually,
“The LORD be magnified!”

17 But I am poor and needy;
Yet the LORD thinks upon me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.