jus' really feeelin this today... yet another re-visit... let's jus' call it... #3

Saturday, April 18, 2009

max the melody... sign me up.

so now i better understand the psalms and why they were set to music and why it's so necessary for the BIBLE to mention that fact... 'cuz thoughts have an amazing ability to permeate way deeper with melody...

just something about a melody that emotes... that unravels... that opens up... that reveals... that pierces... that delivers revelation... that searches deep...

i love the word DEEP... it's really BEAUTIFUL...

sign language too... the silent language... adding depth and grace... fluidity... to our sometimes unwillingly and agonizingly imprisoned venacular... a beautiful communication... of expression... of a heart... from a heart... to a heart...

bypassing the obvious... bypassing the boring... bypassing the verbal...

wanna learn it...

anyway, wish i could share my thoughts more with melody... 'cuz then maybe it would more accurately convey the etherial beauty overflowing from within... helping to illuminate the un-randomly real revelations that capture and captivate me...

sooo.

i'm forced to reach farther, dig deeper... with words... with the WORD... in the WORD... after all... the WORD that GOD speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart...

GOD, please place songs within my heart... and give me the ability to outwork them through my mind, my soul, my SPIRIT... YOUR SPIRIT within me... and my body...

thank u. i love you. more than i know how to express with words.
Posted by jmo at 1:43 PM 2 comments

revisit 2.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

silent transformation...

i saw some clouds today... beautifully adrift in the heavens... adorning its' vast gates...

they were light and whispy and white... and seemingly motionless...

as if they were waiting there... for us... just laying there... with us...

beside that pool... on an oh so splendid, sunny, warm australian afternoon...

but they weren't... they were anything but... motionless... their movement mesmerized me as they slowdanced across the spacious sapphire sky...

morphing into my imagination...

in just one pass... flounder the fish, simon gustav the lizard, a fishy's skeletal system, the red aussie kmart crawling crazy commercial sock midge... and even long island... north and south forks 'n all...

sooo...

such is life... and so much like life... seemingly at a standstill, yet sorta silently but endlessly changing... unnoticeably, yet permanently transforming... in such a temporary fashion... only to transform yet again... and again... and again... and again...

and again...

from strength to strength... from faith to faith... from glory to glory...

the seasonal ebb and flow...

of this crazy and amazing thing called...

life.

i will.

selah.

:)

1,000,000,000...

A Million Sacrificial Acts

water.

http://mycharitywater.org/jmohaey

aditya's home.

AU iHeart 1 Min-JH in Indo from Compassion Australia on Vimeo.

scratch

i am tired of hearing myself speak...
do u get weary.
do u ever get weak.
how do u dream when u can't fall asleep...

scratch/k.payne

red dawn.

okay so i woke up at 7 am wednesday morning sydney time... (that's 5 pm tuesday evening new york time)... to red/orange glow-ness peircing through my windows...

thought it was just severe bush fire smoke... honestly... 'cuz that happens a lot here... and purposefully too... anyway... later to find out that it was an outback 'baby' (thats for you nessy n tilly) dust storm swarming sydney...

soooooooooooooyoooooooooooooo...

i got up out of that comfy bed, left that glowing room only to enter the glowing hallway and down the glowing staircase... etc. etc. etc...

ate breakfast, got dressed... in a glowingly manner of course...

exited my glowing house, stepped out onto the dusty glowing step, got into my once white, but now clay red glowing car, drove on that dusty glowing road through that dusty, windy and glowing air, to a dusty glowing school, with a dusty, dusty, dusty... DUSTY... glowing dance floor... and danced my glowing non-dusty little heart out...

had to shake the 'dust' off for that solo assessment on that fine and dusty glowing australian day...

so, i danced in a dust storm... literally... a first for me.

check out the glow below...

http://www.smh.com.au/multimedia/national/dust-storm-swallows-sydney/20090923-g19h.html

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Dust-blankets-Sydney/ss/events/sc/092309sydneydust#photoViewer=/090923/ids_photos_wl/r978155250.jpg

born in november...

http://mycharitywater.org/jmohaey

clean water...

we waste it.
mis-use it.
abuse it.
life without it...
can't imagine it...
don't want too... ever.

friends... family... LOVEd ones... peeps.

forget about nationality... ethnicity... proximity...
etc. etc. etc...
yada. yada. yada...

it's about humanity...

this moment, myriads of mortals... humans... PEOPLE... just like you and me are suffering and dying... and we can do something about it...

sooo...

let's indeedy...

be the miracle they have been hoping for...
be the answer to their prayers...
and
be the change in their lives...

in JESUS' name.

help me, help others... it's ambitious... we have 90 days... but together we can do it...

check it out... http://mycharitywater.org/jmohaey

h2o

http://www.youtube.com/user/charitywater

revisit...

a revisit of... "today"... originally posted on 2/2/09...

some nuggets of gold here that are worth the repeat... if you have ears to hear and eyes to see...

cast away the distractions...
starve your flesh...
silence your soul...
quiet your mind...
and listen...

hear the... potent... powerful... penetrating... yet ever so gentle whisper of the SPIRIT speaking... to you... "today"... receive it.

let it water the parched parts of your soul... apply it... so you can live it out for all your "tomorrow's"... in JESUS' amazing name...



today.

well... its about 1 am on feb the 2nd... and its raining here in sydneyland... and well it should... after another hot, sunny, beautiful, australian day down unda... we could use it...and I guess that’s where I’ll start... with the day... today... which is significant for many reasons... after all... all we really have is this day... and now its over, only to start a new day again... tomorrow or today depending on where u r right now... okay... so my point is this... we are not promised tomorrow... and all we get are a bunch of todays that lead us into all of our tomorrows... so instead of living for all our tomorrows, we need to make the most of our todays cuz our today determines our tomorrow... get it?... it’s what gets us to the tomorrows... the ones we dream of anyway... ok, more about this lata...

anyway, i have been here just over one week now and i am finally getting settled in a bit... it’s been hard, but not nearly as hard as it could be or even should be given the fact that i left one version of my life only to begin another in a new place on the other side of the planet... seems exciting, seems exotic, seems adventurous, seems to be the stuff dreams are made of... yep... all true... but what most don’t see or understand is the cost... the price to pay for such an adventure... for such a GOD given dream... its high!!!... and at times, it feels even HIGHER than high!!!... but, just cuz it feels that way, doesn’t make it so...

for the past month or so, i have been indeed feeling the very weight of that cost ALOT!!! singin the silent tune of woe is me... look what i left!!!... look what i gave up!!!... look where i am!?!?... how did i get here!?!?....where did the VISION go that was once so clear?!?!...UGGHHH?!?!... missing the land of familiar terribly!!! and consumed with recounting, recalling and reflecting on how i got to this very place...

however... today, i had this revelation... well actually a few revelations...

#1 being- i haven’t actually paid a dime of this so called cost i speak of... that the true cost would have come if i chose to settle and not take GOD at HIS magnificent WORD... and after all... if we're gonna talk about cost... then let’s talk about cost... HE gave it all... HE paid the price... HE became the cost... so we didn’t have to... ever... selah... pause and think about that...

what if i settled for less than GOD’s best... what if i didn’t actually step out of the “boat” with eyes of faith into ARMS OF LOVE... what would i have missed today?...what i would i miss tomorrow? who would i not become that i could be... that i should be? that i was born to be... for such a time as this...

oh and btw... it's never too late to start... just in case ur pondering...

revelation #2 – our days matter... even if they seem boring, redundant, trite...etc. etc. etc... they matter and they have more worth than u may realize... life is not big occasions... life is... ordinary moments that lead into ordinary days strung together in extraordinary ways...

so... with that said... the silent tunes have ceased and still... i can't shake this fire burning deep inside my heart... which is the very reason i am here in this place and at this place... the very reason of how i got here and why i am here... and the very reason why i left the land of familiar... cuz after all the recounting, recalling and reflecting... i realized that the GOD given dream has actually been realized... yes... “been” as in past the tense...

which brings me to revelation #3... and the parts that have yet to physically materialize... well, that’s ok too, cuz... they're already mine... i don’t have to see it to believe it... i just do... i just know... cuz i know HIM... and that's more than enough...

so, one day, a long time ago... i made a decision on an ordinary day... that changed my life... and each day after that... and after that.... and after that... i have made decisions on ordinary days that have continued to shape and change my life ... and because of those decisions on those ordinary days...i have now entered my GOD ordained destiny and walk in the fullness of all those beautiful promises from all those past tomorrows... extraordinary...

selah... now that's something to think about...

FYI- for all you practical cats out there who have lots of questions and want lots of details about life down unda... stay posted for lots of awzzie details and updates... aussie aussie aussie oy oy oy...

peace... jmo

stone? wonder? cloud?

well... so... i took a cheezy, hippy name quiz, on facebook some time ago... it said my hippy name should be 'stone wonder cloud'... hmmm???... more 'bout that a 'lil later.

sooo much still goin' on in my heart right now...

so there is thing... developing in me, being outworked through me...
that i can take no credit for... and have almost no control of... and it's good.

after all, the only real control i have anyway, is surrender... true release.

so i sit here... and i think... and i write... but i really just wanna go to bed... just can't though... not just yet anyway... 'cuz i have to get this out...

i still can't believe what GOD has done... what HE has brought me through... all HE has done... to get me here... when i really think about it anyway... and guess that's the slightly disturbing part, 'cuz i shouldn't have to think about it... i should know it all the time... i should wear it like a crown...

but i don't...

and this season... is so very different from so many... intense... and very serious... and overwhelmingly... seemingly... hopeless seasons i have known... peace, joy, hope, fun... love... GOD...

and such expectation in this richly soiled greenhouse of growth...

yet i take it for granted...

yet i murmur and grumble like an idiotically, ungrateful, israelite wandering through the desert...

'cuz u see, the most frustrating part is...

that i am no stranger to this so called 'desert' and sadly enough, have at times, i'm sure.. grown un-comfortably close and all too familiar with it... through the desert and around the mountain... again and again and again... finally crucifying and putting to death those nasty wilderness mentalities that have stolen from me for so very long... or so i thought.

finally seeing the promised land on the horizon... entering in... with faith, with wisdom, with understanding... like joshua and caleb... sensing the giants, feeling the giants, seeing the giants... taking up courage and choosing to fear not... knowing my GOD is bigger... my GOD is greater... my GOD is mighty!.. HE said it, so HE will do it... 1 thes 1:5 HIS WORD does not return void... and HE indeed does work out all things for good. rom 8:28... miraculoulsy... amazingly... how'd HE do that-ingly???!!!???!!!...

guess what i'm tryin' to say is... circumstances don't matter... period.

no matter how big, how ugly or how scary they may appear... what GOD says matters... alone... period.

i know this because i lived it... and i still do... HE is faithful... and i miss HIM like crazy... crazy alright... but how can that be? how can one miss the EVER PRESENT, OMNISCIENT, MAGNIFICENT EVER LIVING GOD... the MAKER OF HEAVEN and EARTH, the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE, the ALPHA and OMEGA, the BEGINNING and END, the LOVER of my SOUL the LIFTER of my HEAD, my REDEEMER, my SAVIOUR, my FATHER, my GUIDE, my BEST FRIEND...???...

guess it's those very seasons of desperate need when our souls anguish and cry out where we can recieve HIM... like a seed in the soil, in a time of drought... its' roots must go deep. deep. deep... to find water... so it can live. live. live... refreshed... and ready to bear beautiful and much needed fruit...

its' puzzle piece to the world...

it's a battlefield of the mind...

know your enemy, i know mine...

we don't wrestle against flesh and blood but rather against powers and principalities and all dark things in the heavenly realm... eph 6:12...

casting down every high thing that exalts itself aganst the knowledge of GOD, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of CHRIST... 2 cor 10:5.

so apparently my hippy name is... stone wonder cloud...

hmmm??

water flowed from the STONE...
in the desert.

the WONDERs of GOD were in abundance...
in the desert.

the CLOUD protected the isrealites by day from the harsh elements...
in the desert.

thank GOD for the desert.

daaaang. (with dramatic emphasis here)... i can't believe i just wrote that...

hmmm?

selah.

Psalm 40 (New King James Version)

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.

2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

3 He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,
And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

5 Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered.

6 Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.

7 Then I said, “Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.

8 I delight to do Your will, O my God,
And Your law is within my heart.”

9 I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness
In the great assembly;
Indeed, I do not restrain my lips,
O LORD, You Yourself know.

10 I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth
From the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD;
Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me.

12 For innumerable evils have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up;
They are more than the hairs of my head;
Therefore my heart fails me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me;
O LORD, make haste to help me!

14 Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion
Who seek to destroy my life;
Let them be driven backward and brought to dishonor
Who wish me evil.

15 Let them be confounded because of their shame,
Who say to me, “Aha, aha!”

16 Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let such as love Your salvation say continually,
“The LORD be magnified!”

17 But I am poor and needy;
Yet the LORD thinks upon me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.

pixel...

www.hillsongunited.com/blog


An Over-My-Head Epiphany
29 May 2009 // brooke

It was a Tuesday night a few weeks ago. I was on a stage, sweating, singing, pray-thinking. About Jesus, my inadequacy, the art He makes out of my junk, the people in front of me and the art He wants to make out of their junk: the usual.

I looked up and noticed something I hadn’t noticed until that point… Probably because I had my eyes closed for most of the time… (the metaphors are kicking in).

Our resident lighting ‘artiste’ - “3rd Grade” we call him - is a talented man. I thought he must be pulling out the big guns and doing something extra spesh… from the back of the building streaming toward me and over my head were hundreds of shafts of light, pulsing from a single point and fanning out toward a destination somewhere behind me.

I must have stared up at this for a few songs in a row. It was beautiful. Symphonic. Cinematic. Each ray of light would turn, move, change colour - dancing in sync with all the others yet completely itself. I had never seen 3rd Grade use this effect before and was steadying myself to give him a big pat on the back afterward, when I got the urge to turn around and look at where the shaft-light-things were heading.

And as it turned out, 3rd Grade’s whizz bang trick was no whizz bang trick at all. It was only the projector, casting the live camera feed onto the screen above the stage. All the beams of light were travelling from the same origin, going forward and coming together to create a single, moving image.

Maybe that’s not unlike you and I and how we feel sometimes. Kinda dancing along alone in the darkness. But maybe if we could see things from a different angle - above or below - or a different dimension outside our time-bound context – eternity - we would see what we are… part of the greater visual chorus, making up a small but essential pixel in the great big picture God is creating through the collision of our unredeemed humanity and his great redemption plan.

I should open my eyes more often.

-brooke
(written by brooke fraser)

www.hillsongunited.com/blog

this moment...

A21...

tell them...

www.thea21campaign.org

watoto.

tell them...

www.watoto.com

re-set.

YOU name the stars... in the deepest night...

re-set eternity upon my heart... let it burn within me.
remind me... momentarily... of the fleeting and sometimes furious flash that is... life here on earth.
and of the day when i will see YOUR face.

help me to understand...

daily YOU give life to me...
help me... to daily... give it back to YOU.

to live it to the fullest... eternally...
all that YOU give... all that YOU do...
help me to live for YOU... like i truly want too...

all that really matters... anyway... is... YOU.

YOU hung the stars... YOU hold my heart... YOU carry me...

i close my eyes... in the silent place.
in this place of life... the place that no one else can find.
i can rest... in your safe and warm and loving arms... tonight...
momentarily... eternally.

mom

mom...

i love you...

i miss you...

you are totally and completely healed in JESUS' name...

profess it... proCLAIM it... possess it.

believe it and LIVE it.

HE died for you to have it... it's yours... take it!

i miss you...

i love you...

:)

i need words...

i need words... as wide as sky.

i need language... large as... this longing inside.

and i need a voice... bigger than mine.

and i need a song to sing YOU... that i've yet to find.

i need YOU...

i need YOU...

i need YOU...

i need YOU...

to be here now...

to be here now...

to hear me now...

to hear me now...

-i need words/david crowder band

yeah.

couldn't have said it better myself... so i won't.

http://hillsongunited.com/blog/2009/04/welcome-america

max the melody... sign me up.

so now i better understand the psalms and why they were set to music and why it's so necessary for the BIBLE to mention that fact... 'cuz thoughts have an amazing ability to permeate way deeper with melody...

just something about a melody that emotes... that unravels... that opens up... that reveals... that pierces... that delivers revelation... that searches deep...

i love the word DEEP... it's really BEAUTIFUL...

sign language too... the silent language... adding depth and grace... fluidity... to our sometimes unwillingly and agonizingly imprisoned venacular... a beautiful communication... of expression... of a heart... from a heart... to a heart...

bypassing the obvious... bypassing the boring... bypassing the verbal...

wanna learn it...

anyway, wish i could share my thoughts more with melody... 'cuz then maybe it would more accurately convey the etherial beauty overflowing from within... helping to illuminate the un-randomly real revelations that capture and captivate me...

sooo.

i'm forced to reach farther, dig deeper... with words... with the WORD... in the WORD... after all... the WORD that GOD speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart...

GOD, please place songs within my heart... and give me the ability to outwork them through my mind, my soul, my SPIRIT... YOUR SPIRIT within me... and my body...

thank u. i love you. more than i know how to express with words.

silent transformation...

i saw some clouds today... beautifully adrift in the heavens... adorning its' vast gates...

they were light and whispy and white... and seemingly motionless...

as if they were waiting there... for us... just laying there... with us...

beside that pool... on an oh so splendid, sunny, warm australian afternoon...

but they weren't... they were anything but... motionless... their movement mesmerized me as they slowdanced across the spacious sapphire sky...

morphing into my imagination...

in just one pass... flounder the fish, simon gustav the lizard, a fishy's skeletal system, the red aussie kmart crawling crazy commercial sock midge... and even long island... north and south forks 'n all...

sooo...

such is life... and so much like life... seemingly at a standstill, yet sorta silently but endlessly changing... unnoticeably, yet permanently transforming... in such a temporary fashion... only to transform yet again... and again... and again... and again...

and again...

from strength to strength... from faith to faith... from glory to glory...

the seasonal ebb and flow...

of this crazy and amazing thing called...

life.

i miss you.

i miss you.
:(

the billabong. and the boab.

the sincere depth just beyond that beautiful smile...

that i see... that i sense... that i feel...

like a deep and refreshing pool of water... a silent billabong... still and calm on the surface yet teeming with life from within... a myriad of marvels that lie just beneath... an amazing world worthy of discovery...

the sincere depth buried just behind those eyes...

that i feel... that i sense... that i see...

like that of a boab tree... unique... uncommon... unwavering... standing tall amidst a dry and parched land... standing out from among the others... displaying wisdom and strength beyond its' years...

it's mystifying... it's beckoning... i am drawn to it... because... it's rare... and it's beautiful... i know it full well... i get it... deeply...

guess i'm just scared to show it...

no toll necessary... GOD's e-z pass...

sooo, it's a crazy sorta thing... to feel sooo at home and sooo at peace half a world away from the home i have known all my life, thus far, anyway...

at times, it blows my mind when i look around and i realize i am actually living in australia... the land down under... where women glow and men plunder... can you hear, can you hear, the thunder...

okay stop that now, seriously though...

a real mental trip sometimes... to be on the other side of the planet, so far from... my once so much... family, familiar, 'ol version of life... yada yada yada... yeah yeah yeah... duh duh duh... been there... said that... already...

to walk away from such cool luxuries i consistently enjoyed, like those amazing... pure peppermint oil deep tissue massages... thanks sue.

and those, hurts so good, skeletally releasing chiropractic adjustments... thanks dr. lois.

and of course, the occasional, but oh so wondorous pedicure/foot massage... thanks little chinese lady.

and the even funnier thing is... i sooo haven't even needed or really even desired any of those things since i have been here... in spite of the myriad of stresses that are attached to a global repositioning, in spite of the seemingly endless walking and carrying, and in spite of all the dancing, dancing, dancing, etc. etc. etc...

(*disclaimer* will still welcome a massage at any time though... thaaank uuu)

so in the world's economy these things are known to take a toll on the average human body... the average human person... such is not the case in GOD's economy though... and besides i'm not average... period... never have been... never will be... in any way... 'cuz my GOD is not average and in HIM i live and move and have my being...

HE paid my toll... HE e-z passed me in the hov lane...

and speaking of luxuries... how 'bout the luxury of gettin' a paycheck!!! haven't had one in how long now?... almost 3 months... and still i have peace!!! now, that's a miracle!... i used to get a bit stressed about spendin when i was gettin' paid... even on purposeful and necessary stuff... crazy!... but now, i can't work up a stress over it, even if i try... i'm just covered... pretty cool hay.

i mean i still have bills... and even some new ones... yet i am flooded with peace... i still have to live... to eat... to wear... to pay... and things are way more expensive here than in the great u.s. of a. that's fo' sho'...

yet still i am overcome from the inside out with peace... the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding... reminding myself to be anxious for nothing but in all things with prayer, petition and thanksgiving... letting my requests be made known to GOD and HE gives me that unsurpassable peace... choosing to meditate on things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy...

and oh yeah... GOD... thank u again for the generous tax return...

so, it indeed is a funny thing... this chasing GOD thing... 'cuz all that other stuff just plain pales in comparison to the pull, the tug, the desire, the call...

the CALL of GOD... HIS HOLY calling... many are called, few are chosen...

i am chosen... set apart... my destiny in HIM...

my destiny is HIM...

just no comparison... all the combined riches in the world, all the finest cattle on the priciest of hills... just plain don't compare... period.

so as i write this... my single focus is purposed to once again be GOD and HIS amazing plan...

i surrender... again.

i die... yet again.

truly i do.

picture this: a little stick figure laying on the ground with x's as eyes and tongue hanging out of mouth, maybe even wearing a hat, hay... that's me here...

hungry once again... gimme some food pleaze... hungrier and thirstier... hungry to eat from the endless vine of LIFE... thirsty to drink from the well of ever refreshing LIVING WATER that never runs dry... desperate to be deeply initimate with that alone which truly satisfies...

new and creative desires conceived, giving way to new and creative goals... that need to be embraced... fed... nurtured... birth forth...

on another note...

colour 1 was great... album recording also great... and colour 2 even greater...

more on all that some other time... when the SPIRIT leads...

on a more random note... i detest the word 'mince'... it's way too common here... just such a gross little word hay.

toodles for now... XD

jmo

shimmering siam sunset...

restful.

o LORD GOD of hosts,
who is mighty like YOU, o LORD
YOUR faithfulness also surrounds YOU
YOU rule the raging of the sea
when its waves rise, YOU still them... psalm 89:8-9

though it thunders... i am still and YOU are GOD... therefore...

hear my cry, O GOD
attend to my prayer
from the end of the earth i will cry to YOU
when my heart is overwhelmed
lead me to the ROCK that is higher than i

for YOU have been a shelter for me
a STRONG TOWER from the enemy
i will abide in YOUR tabernacle forever
i will trust in the shelter of YOUR wings... psalm 61

Selah

with quietness and rest YOU calm the storm in me...

i seek refuge and am safe in YOU...

YOUR peace you give to me...

for i know YOU are GOD....

i am still...

i am restful.

to my family and friends...

to my family and friends... i love you...

i don't know if i say it enough or even show it enough... sorry for that...

and with so much physical and geographical distance between us now... it's hard to express it... accurately enough...

we may not see each other as often as we did... we may not talk as much as we used too...

but just know... that not a day goes by that i don't think of you... not a day goes by that i don't miss you sincerely... and seriously...

it's so true... from that deep and sensitive place in my heart that struggles to give expression... the place that hurts to feel... words are just not enough... not any words that i know anyway...

i miss u more than you will probably ever know... and appreciate the workmanship of GOD's magnificent hands in you... how uniquely beautiful each and every one of you are... so-called "imperfections" 'n all... whether you know it or not... whether you feel it or not... it's so true... you have been fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together so perfectly... and you are beautiful...

you are beautiful and i can see it... i miss you... heaps... and i love you... more than you'll ever know...

australian sunsets... and answered prayers...

saw the most amazing sunset the other night... like none other so far...

maybe 'cuz of the sun itself? ... huge, fiery... bursting and beaming with a kaleidsocope of devastatingly rich, bright and luminescent colours spraying across the sky...

maybe 'cuz of the view? ... beautiful homes staggered amidst exotically outstretched non-north american trees that dotted the hilly horizon...

maybe 'cuz of the warm golden glow bursting through that picturesque visage? ...

or...

maybe 'cuz of what sits just below that hill...

the place where i was standing... walking...

or...

maybe it was where i was going that very splendid evening...

or...

maybe it was even the company i stood amongst...

hey... maybe it was a mixture of all those things...

or then again...



maybe it was just 'cuz of the SON after all...



GOD answers prayer...

the fervent effectual prayer of a righteous man avails much... what makes us righteous?... there is nothing about me that is righteous period... so then, what makes me the righteouseness of CHRIST?... being washed in the shed BLOOD of JESUS CHRIST on the cross alone...

GOD answers prayer...

GOD answers my prayers... BIG ones... little ones... old ones... new ones... DEEP ones... BEAUTIFUL ones... very BEAUTIFUL ones.

there were others answered that day and night as well... i wish i could tell u more about them... but i just can't right now, it's just not time yet...

but know this...

i was sorta caught off guard by my reaction... sorta in delayed and quiet awe, sorta at a loss for words... even thoughts... sorta in delayed disbelief, yet sorta non-reactive, yet sorta relieved by my non-reaction... yet sorta no big deal at all... like, as if i was just told a secret that i have known all my life... if that makes sense... sorta pondering news that i was expecting all along... sorta like, oh yeah i think i already knew that... no duh. just sorta cool.

sooyoo (aussie for so), i have a feeling, just a sense... of what is to come... stay tuned... it's gonna be awesome... it already is...

like i said... GOD answers prayer...

Jude 1
1-2, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

GOD answers prayer...

and so i finally got my australian sunset, part of it anyway...

the australian sunset i have pondered pointlessly... or so i thought... the one i have imagined and waited for... the one i had longed to see and feel the warmth of my whole life... and sporadically spoke of since my earliest of moments... never even really knowing why???... until now.

and the best part is... there are so many more to come... sooo much more to come... actually, the very best... is still yet to come... my portion is HIM... it has been declared... it is mine... it is finished... i am in awe...

so i hope you can see, that it's not even about the sunset really... it's what the sunset represents... the promises of GOD.

...

and yet...

even as i write this, i am convicted and feeling hypocritical... so, knowing this very fact... knowing this very truth... why don't i pray more?!? what stops me? after all it's not about a special place or a special time or a special style of speech...

it's about constant communication with our CREATOR... the LOVER of our souls and the LIFTER of our heads... the BRIGHT and MORNING STAR... the ALPHA and OMEGA... THE BEGINNING and THE END... the most FAITHFUL, BESTEST FRIEND ever ever ever!!!

communication like that of family member... a best friend... a partner.

think about it... think about your relationships... the best ones are the ones where consistent and healthy communication is evident... you know the other person and they know you... to share what's in your heart and to receive what's in theirs... it doesn't have to be spoken in shakespeare-ian english either... it's not one sided... it's give and take... listen and talk and listen... like normal people do...

so, why is it then...

that we do the things we don't want to do...

and not do the things we do want to do???...

even paul struggled with this... so, guess i'm in good company then... comforting to know...

a lot of... randoms...

i love my little brother... alot... even though, sometimes, i have to "bring it" with him... a lot.


i love all my siblings and sister-in-laws... like sisters... a lot.


i love my neice and nephew... alot.


i love my aunts and my uncles, cousins and my dear dear dear AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING friends... a lot.


i love my former students... a lot.


i love freddy a lot... even though he is in heaven running and playing and jumping now... with JESUS. we will play again one day freddy... i will one day again, see... your beautiful, big, loving, almond shaped, brown eyes... long eyelashes and all... i miss u... a lot.

thank you JESUS for his life.


i love my mom and dad... 'til it hurts... and it has... a lot.


i just love... a lot.


i wish i had my journals with me... so much gold in them there books... logs of a life died and lived for HIM... an incredible journey... and the best is still yet to come...


finally just set up my voicemail for my australian mobile... i really don't even care... anyone who knows me, knows how i feel about the phone... waste of time. gotta go. hate it. add it to the 'bored' game pile plz...


bobbie houston mentioned me in her blog... with a few minor typographical errors... but who cares... it's the heart that matters anyway... heaps good.


the word... 'heaps' is used here a lot. i kinda like it. heaps. a lot.


oh yeah, got my TFN#... tax file number, the aussie version of the SS#... so, i guess, it's official... what? huh? who knows... not i.


i have a hillsong e-mail account now too!!! it's for fieldwork though...


i really wanna go snowboarding again... gonna try to set up a trip in july (our winter)...


i like very much matilda! (inside joke... sorry)


i love it when matilda prayers over me in swedish... it melts me...


sweden celebrates name days... each day of the year a random name is celebrated and a person who has that name gets a gift... yesterday was matilda day in sveda... lol... i gave her a homemade gift and card... she liked it... a lot.


sometimes i can't ever imagine going home... to new york that is.


the smell of fresh wildflowers daily fill the air...


i don't really hear foreign accents anymore...


over 62 nations are represented in my college intake (this semester)


the tide has turned... it's official... canadians are way more obnoxious and ignorant than the world thinks americans are... sorry to all my canadian friends... i luv u an all... but it's true... come on now... well, here anyway... except for the dancers, of course, and anyone they are related too as well... :-)


comments and thoughts are welcomed... even encouraged... i would love to hear from u...

***this blog is in honor of my younger bro today... as to show my love, in spite of us having a 'bit of a cyber go' earlier today... ('havin a go'... more aussie slang)

the beautiful silence...

i have been having some of those amazing moments again... those breathtaking, awe-inspiring moments... and sometimes they come in the form of those... OH MY!... GOD!!!... i'm A-C-T-U-A-L-L-Y here!?! moments... again...

the kind when you can't help but just be still... it's as if, for a brief moment in time, every part of me just pauses... and everything around me is still... like the peaceful hush of a gentle nightime snowfall... all becomes momentarily silenced...

and then there are times when i become silenced... beautifully silenced...truly tongue tied...

brief, but oh so beautiful moments... triggered by various things... mostly GOD though... actually completely GOD though... if not directly from HIM, then through something or someone created by HIM... the outworkings of HIS CREATIVE hands and com/passionate heart...

and... DANCE... the unspoken language between body and soul which expresses that which is too deep for words... is starting to have voice in my life... finally...

that seed that was planted...

by the ONE that knew me before i was born, the ONE that set me apart and ordained me a prophet to the nations, the ONE that fearfully and wonderfully knit me together in my mothers' womb... the ONE my frame was not hidden from when i was made in that secret place... when i was woven together in the depths of the earth... the ONE whose eyes saw my unformed body and ordained all of my days and wrote them in HIS book before one of them came to be... oh, how precious to me are HIS thoughts, o GOD... how vast is the sum of them!!!

sooo, it's that very seed... that has weathered many a storm and through death has come to... live... finally shuting forth LIFE... WORSHIP...

i wonder what that seed will fully blossom into???

i have a sense, but that's where it ends... for now...

i know better now, anyway, to think i can even begin to figure it all out... but this i do know... that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge and like david said... such knowledge is too wonderful for me... too high... i cannot attain it... so therefore, i no longer try...

WORD...Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

AMEN

beauty.

what is beauty?

dictionary.com says...

beau⋅ty: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

beauty... it's that "thing" that we can't specifically define... yet we all know it when we see it... when we hear it... when we feel it... when we touch it... when we smell it... when we taste it... when we sense it...

when we dream about it...

like the beauty of a song that expresses the melody of a heart better than the heart itself...

like movement that communicates an unspoken language between body and soul that can express only that which is too deep for words...

beauty... even the word itself... has a beauty about it... within it resonates tranquility and splendor... peace, calm, rest... and awe.

beauty has perspective... beauty is in the eye of the beholder... or then again is it?... what delights my heart, may not delight yours... right?... and what does it actually mean to 'behold' anyway?...

oh, to gaze upon...

so, then WHO actually is the BEHOLDER here?... what wonderful secrets do we keep that we are completely unaware of??? what marvelous mysteries are hidden away in our hearts that we have yet to discover???... why are they locked away???... and who beholds the key???...

there is more to this beauty thing than even we know... and more to the BEHOLDER than we will ever know... this side of eternity anyway...

I AM... is... true beauty... a relevant GOD, with an intensely... jealously... passionately... burning... but oh so romantic love... a softly and steadily yet strongly resonating rhythm of a resounding heartbeat that beats deeply within us... made in the image of a magnificent CREATOR...

the sacred romance...

in the clefts of the rock,
in the secret places of the cliff,
let me see YOUR face,
let me hear YOUR voice;
for YOUR voice is sweet,
and YOUR face is lovely.”

you have ravished my heart,
with one look of YOUR eyes,

...his eyes are like doves
by the rivers of waters,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.

my lover is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.

his head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy

his cheeks are like beds of spice
yielding perfume.
his lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.

his arms are rods of gold
set with chrysolite.
his body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires.

his legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
his appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.

his mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely

yes, he is altogether lovely.
this is my beloved,

i am my BELOVED’s,
and my BELOVED is mine.

before i was even aware,
my soul had made me...

turn your eyes away from me,
for they have overcome me.

promise me...
by the gazelles and wild deer,
not to awaken love before it's time.

who is this coming up from the desert
leaning on her lover?

how beautiful your sandaled feet,
o prince's daughter!
your graceful legs are like jewels,
the work of a craftsman's hands.

you have stolen my heart, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.

how beautiful you are and how pleasing,
o love, with your delights!

the king is held captive by your tresses.
how fair and how pleasant you are...

you are beautiful, my darling,
beautiful beyond words.

your eyes are like doves
behind your veil.
your eyes are like the sparkling pools in Heshbon
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.

your hair falls in waves,
like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.

your teeth are as white as sheep,
recently shorn and freshly washed.

your smile is flawless,
each tooth matched with its twin.

your lips are like scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is inviting.

your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates
behind your veil.

your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David,
jeweled with the shields of a thousand heroes.

Your breasts are like two fawns,
twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies.

before the dawn breezes blow
and the night shadows flee,
i will hurry to the mountain of myrrh
and to the hill of frankincense.

oh, how beautiful you are! how pleasing and full of delights,
my darling, beautiful in every way.

you are slender like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.
i said, “I will climb the palm tree
and take hold of its fruit.”

may your kisses be as exciting as the best wine,
flowing gently over lips and teeth.

come, my love, let us go out to the fields
and spend the night among the wildflowers.

let us get up early and go to the vineyards
to see if the grapevines have budded,
if the blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates have bloomed.

there I will give you my love.

promise me...
by the gazelles and wild deer,
not to awaken love before it's time...

i am my BELOVED’s,
and HIS desire is toward me.

come away, my BELOVED.

hosea's wife...

where do i begin... there in lies the problem... don't know... feel like a broken record sayin that, over and over... and over again... and sooo i labor to birth these paralytically swirling and disorganized thoughts onto virtual paper...

i sorta have writers block too, yet i try to write... i sorta have sooo much to say, yet nothing at all... i sorta have sooo much to share, but just don't know how...

i sorta just need something right now... but don't exactly know what... or then again maybe i do...

sisterhood united nite earlier tonight... the message tore me up on the inside... outside too... and can't even exactly say why... it just did... but it was good... real good...

been battling distractions... big time... at times... i seem to be chasing down, unsuccessfully if i may add, the discipline and focus i was once so wonderfully acquainted with... where has it gone?... i search for it... i grasp for it, momentarily catching it, then slipping through my clenched fingers... again and again and again...

sooo fickle... --- who???... sooo unfaithful... to my own heart... and... to the ONE who is FAITHFUL... the heart is deceitful above all things... who can understand it???

sooo frustrated cuz there is this thing in me that hungers to emerge... this creativity, this desire, this PASSION, this LIFE, this understanding, this movement, this worship, this heart that is held captive, imprisoned by.....??????????.....

sooo disgusted by... hosea's wife... ummm, us... ummm... me.

honestly, for the first time i can remember, i am struggling to be completely transparent here... cuz the stuff that GOD is gettting at... is deep, real deep, almost sacred within me... mindsets that need to change... stronghold's that need to be broken... TRUTH that needs to wash, cleanse and abound within... and...

LOVE... LOVE... LOVE...

i struggle with that 4 letter word, yet have such an overwhelming, overflowing, abounding capacity for it... how ironic.

why?... why?... why?...

with receiving GOD's love... don't know why... i guess i can rationalize it, pyscho-analyze it... theorize it... whateva... 'til the cows come home... or in this case... the 'roos... and i can probably even arrive at a reasonably logical answer... but in this case, logic is just not acceptable and it's not TRUTH...

i have only just begun to see others through HIS eyes, with HIS LOVE... so then why can't i see myself through HIS eyes??? why do i feel, at times, that all of HIS beautiful promises of 'yes' and 'amen' apply to all of humanity... except me... so, how can i stll feel that way in light of all HE has done for me and brought me through???

GOD's doin some diggin and dredging... some stuff, some ugly 'ol stuff, and some ugly 'ol foes are trying to have their ugly 'ol way... but they won't... period...

it's a battle though... but the victory is indeed mine cuz i am more than a conquerer through CHRIST JESUS... HE gives me the victory and tramples my enemies... HE is my shield of victory and HIS right hand sustains me... and my VICTORY has indeed overcome the world... HIS love endures forever...

after all, it's not about me anyway... it's about you... and it's about people like you... people that will gain wisdom from my mistakes, victories from my failures and vision from my perspectives...

sooo, perhaps it's better said like this...

i have this sinking feeling
something's weighing me down
i am completely saturated
the waves are crashing closer
my feet already drowned
doing the thing i said i hated

they've been swimming in the wrong water
now they're pulling me down
but i am clinging to YOU, never letting go
'cos i know that YOU'll lift me out

have YOUR way here
keep me afloat 'cos I know I'll sink without YOU
take this ocean of pain that is mine
throw me a lifeline

wake up feeling convicted
i know something's not right
re-acquaint my knees with the carpet
i have to get this out
'cos it's obstructing YOU and I
dry up the seas that keep us parted

-lifeline/brooke fraser


i love music... if u couldn't tell... it's the soundtrack of my life...

WORD...

Psalm 42:1-8

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One [d]
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.

5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

so... what's in your hand???

sooo... here's a thought... be faithful with what's in your hand... and GOD will bring to pass what's in your heart... even the most secret of petitions... and in a way u could have never dreamed of or managed to do yourself... ephesians 3:20... above and beyond all you can ask, think or imagine... another core value/theme here... and i'd like to add a resounding 'AMEN' to that, if i may.... it's just so true... often people want to go straight to the top, straight for the glory, straight for the icing and cherry... by-passing all the boring so called meaningless stuff...

right? right!?! wrong!!!...

it's all that so called boring, meaningless stuff that really matters... that's where the rubber meets the road... that's where character is refined... integrity is built... impurites are skimmed off and the SPIRIT of excellence can shine forth...

... but it's through the being faithful with what's in your hand part, that GOD actually does a mighty work in you, so HE can do a mighty work through you... and HE will work it out above and beyond your wildest dreams... seriously, it's like that... HE is like that... it's like a form of dying to self... selfish desires, selfish agendas... and it's on that very path of being faithful with what's in your hand, that you actually start losing yourself... but in a good way... becoming self-less, so that you actually begin to truly find yourself...

and it's those very times when the fire gets turned up... the inferno rages, the heat intensifies, the pressing presses, the crushing crushes, the breaking breaks, the purifying purifies... and the refining refines...

which is all sooo necessary to yield a true... and beautiful... and pure... work of art... regardless of its' form, be it silver or gold or diamonds or even the human heart... think about the silversmith, think about the goldsmith, think about the diamond mine, think about life... think about what those very precious commodities have to be brought forth through in order to be the rare, valued and beautiful gifts they were created to be... their value and potential already inworked within their dna from the start... just needing to be outworked... just waiting to be outworked... through... fire and pressure and trial and testing... to be released... to be set free... to be all that they were created to be...

and in service too... serving others... afer all, that's the way to true greatness... to put other's first... JESUS did and HE IS the greatest... forever and for all of eternity...

so, how do we do that??? what does that look like?...

well, we love the LORD our GOD, with all our heart and we love our neighbor as ourself... but that my friend is not easy and i venture to say even impossible without first-hand experience and understanding of the intense and passionate and true LOVE of GOD... period... HE extravagantly loved us first... so now we are set free to love HIM like HE deserves and like we are so not capable of doing in and of our strength... it only comes after you have known GOD's intense love for you!!! cuz you see... GOD IS LOVE... simply put... then and only then is it easy...

here's your WORD for today... psalm 37: 3-9

3Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed.

4Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

5Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

6And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday.

7Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.

8Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself--it tends only to evildoing.

9For evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait and hope and look for the Lord [in the end] shall inherit the earth.(A)

monopoly money and warm eggs...

so, where has the sydney summer gone???... it went from a sunny 100 degrees F. to about a rainy 55-60 degrees F. overnight and it’s been like that for a just about a week now...

has the australian summer gone away already???...

i have noticed that some of the little trees’ leaves, have begun to change color a bit... (remember we will enter autumn next, not spring like u guys)... but they are few and far between... those little trees that is... most won’t drop leaves at all... like the eucalyptus and palm trees... which are my personal favorites if i may add!!!... most awzzies still insist however, summer is not over yet...

guess we’ll just have to wait and see...

okay, so let’s get back to some of the practical stuff... how about we start with the eggs... yes eggs... guess what? they don’t refrigerate ‘em here... seriously, in the gross-ery store that is, they are in a random non-refrigerated aisle... nor do they have ANY coffee creamers here either... no yummy pumpkin spice, hazelnut or french vanilla flavors... UGGHH!!!?!!!... but i digress... back to the eggs... so, one of my house mates... the kiwi (new zealander for those that don’t know what a human kiwi is...) also is not in the habit of refrigerating ‘em, which is customary in her culture... but has since started to refrigerate them here as to be conscious and thoughtful of her housemates... just lovely... which... brings me to the next topic...

housemates... my housemates... luv ‘em all... seriously, GOD is sooo cool how HE just works things out and brings people together... rachel is the kiwi, matilda the swede, vanessa the cannuck and amy the awzzie... and they are just great peeps in their own right... it’s a good mix and it’s working out well... like i said before, it’s like we are becoming a family... it’s just good... and even though we are very different... we are also very similar... we come from different cultures, backgrounds, stories, etc. ... however at the core, we are very much the same... it’s really cool...

now, let’s talk money... monopoly money... otherwise known as australian currency, in my world anyway.. the dollars are shorter and far more colorful, with a random plastic lined cut-outs on each bill... they come in denominations of: 5, 10, 20, 50, 100.

and the coins... RIDICULOUS!!! just ridiculous... the sizes, the sheer weight... OUT OF CONTROL!!! ... a silver 20 cent piece is bigger and heavier than a U.S. silver dollar... a silver 50 cent piece looks like the 20 cent piece except it has angular edging to it... it's like, the higher the dollar amount in coin the smaller the size... a 'lil weird ay?...

i posted some googled pics of 'em... which reminds me... other pics of other stuff will come eventually... promise!!!... just hasn’t been a priority... ya know, with the whole moving across the planet thing coming into play ‘n all... and trying to acclimate and adjust to sooo many major life changes in a short period of time also sorta plays a big role in that... if ya know what i’m sayin... anyway...

appliances... the dishwasher has two separate pullout drawers (basins) and extreme wash cycles... the long cycle takes 1 hour and 42 minutes... and if not pre-rinsed or even the slightest bit overloaded, it won’t clean well at all... we also have this thing called a jug and it’s basically an electric kettle... and it’ sooo COOL!!! it boils a ‘jug’ full of water in like 3 minutes and then it clicks off when done... luv it!!! absolutely luv it!!!

houses... are way rad here too, however they are much closer in proximity to each other than in n.y. ... a lot less property, a lot more house... they are pretty much right on top of each other... but they have flavor and flair... and really cool architectural designs... mostly reminiscent of a southwest/tiled roof vibe... they’re cool...

it seems like the awzzies know how to fit A LOT of house into a small space... each room feels so big... showers and baths are big, and in the same room, but separate from each other... while toilets are completely separate in a completely separate room... however, the houses don’t seem to be made as well here... not very insulated and very noisy... sometimes it sounds like a bunch of elephants are hangin out on the 2nd floor, but it’s just a girl walking down the hall... sometimes it feels like i'm in the front row of a rock concert listening to a guitar solo, but it’s just a neighbour playing a guitar...

BUT..... amidst the myriad of meaningless technical differences... some major similarities remain...

people are the same... neighbors/neighbours are the same... although a bit friendlier here if i might add, but that’s true for most places outside of the greater n.y. area anyway...

i lived at a #9 in new york and i live at a #9 in new south wales...

i had a drumming neighbor in new york... i have a drumming neighbour in new south wales... which for most, would annoy, distract and bother... however, i find it randomly and remarkably reminiscent of home... and rhythmically soothing... at times...

SOOO SAFE... from the wildfires too...

so, one of those big decisions i made a long time ago was... to be transparent, to be open, to be honest, to be vulnerable, and to be REAL in all things at all times... and in the past, at times, it has gotten me into a bit of trouble here and there... but never the bad kind of trouble really... rather the good kind of trouble... the 'stirring of hearts' kind of trouble... if u know what i'm sayin.... so i'm just puttin that out there cuz my realness is quite intentional and besides it's just who i am... that's the only way i know how to be... can be... and will be...

so, the first week i got here... i was already trying to problem solve my way outta here... go figure... isn't that just like our finite, insecure human frailty... we so intensely long and pray for certain dreams to come to pass and then when they finally arrive... we want to run back to the land of familiar with our tail between our legs and our head in the sand... if that's even simultaneously possible anyway...

so for the first few days... i gave myself 6 months... and i said... i'm outta here and then i go back to my old life and my old ways and it will all be fine... little did i know... little did i already know... and boy i certainly should have known after all these years anyway... GOD has other plans...

and soooo it goes... cuz that's just not how my GOD works anyway... HE doesn't enlarge a vision and a territory only to take it away... HE doesn't plant a beautiful seed to produce beautiful fruit (under the right conditions of course) only to cut it down in it's prime... after all, that's what it was created for... to flourish... to live... TO BE... it's beautiful existence alone glorifies its' creator... nor does it toil, nor does it worry or fear of what tomorrow will bring or how its' provision will come... it just is... and it's quiet, confident beauty is beyond compare...


matthew 6.25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.


however, it does indeed need to be pruned and it does need to experience the seasons in life... the seasons OF life... as harsh as they may be at times... ironically, it's those very seasons that contribute to it's very strength and character and endurance and....... surpassing beauty.......

sooo, i sense that's probably one of the biggest things that GOD wants to do in my heart this year... what HE wants me to really "get" this year... is to just 'BE'... to no longer get my worth and my value from what i do, or what i think i need to do, rather from who i am in HIM... from who i was made to be... even more so... from WHOSE i am... i am HIS...

so with that said, i'm feelin better about things again... and just amazed how GOD just so comes through with the 'goods' literally and figuratively sooo faithfully and sooo consistently and on sooo many levels... it's completely convicting and hugely humbling...

thanks to all of you that have reached out to encourage me... it means the world to me... and i luv u for it...

peace... jmo

?

?... sooo frustrated right now... super hot and stuffy in this bedroom... sick of all the bugs... behind on some things that need to get done... struggling to mentally get there to do them... know that i have big challenges ahead... missing the comforts of the way things were... missing home... missing all the familiar that i sooo successfully navigated for sooo long... missing my loved ones... i could cry a bit... i actually am... just a 'lil though... struggling with some real questions about some real stuff right now... so over being out stretched beyond my comfort zone... ?

in the sunburned country...

it's 104 degrees right now and it's 10:16 am... that's all i can say right now...

okay scratch that last statement... i do have something to say... the sweat droplets dripping off my feet are sweating sweat droplets... now that's pretty gross... but looking beyond the grossness of that fact... i still love it!!! the weather that is...

the huntsman of oz...

so, im really starting to adjust to life in this parallel universe called oz... and indeed it is oz... however, in lots of ways it's alot like home... but just different...

and here in oz, i'm a lot like i am at home... but becoming more different... a little each day in lots of good ways... and being challenged in many ways... it's good though... more on that lata... maybe even next time... yeah most definitely next time...

so, i could start by telling you about how laid back awzzies are... it's a bit like the game clue at times, or so i think what clue would be like, being that i never even played clue... cuz u see i hate board games... yes, i used the word hate in regards to a board game, i feel that strongly about them... they are called 'bored' games for a reason... but anyway, i digress... clue cuz i need lots of clues to figure things out here half the time...

or i could talk about the huntsman... no, not a man that likes to hunt, rather a SPIDER!!! that i can only conclude from its' name... likes to hunt man?!?!?!?! WHA!!!... now in ny, sure we have spiders and they sure do come in various colors and sizes etc... but NEVER do they get names!!! unless of course u capture one, make it ur pet, then name it ... but that would be just plain weird...

so as the story goes... a couple of friends and i were about to get into another friends car... when the friend with the car just casually happens to mention the fact that a huntsman was spotted in the car and not to worry about it... cuz apparently this one didn't have fangs... FANGS!?!!? WHAT!!!! and yes apparently they are poisonous too... very poisonous and hairy and big too... so to make a long story short... no huntsman that day... THANK GOD!...

however this day, my housemate rachel had the pleasure of it sticking to her ankle, yes, STICKING!!!... needless to say, a life and death battle ensued between two girls, a huntsman and a bottle of bug spray... in the middle of a busy intersection on a sweltering hot, sunny day in the hills district of new south wales... and thank GOD our 'lil friend "hunty" lost that battle this day...

and apparently she posted pics of our friend "hunty's" hairy non 'lil carcas on facebook... but to be honest with you... i don't want to see it... in this case, the less i know... the bettah...

on a side note... i just got up for a yogurt break and had to kill a cockroach the size of a turkish delight (cindy that ones for u... hint hint... for everyone else... the size of a cookie)... soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

plz pray for me... SERIOUSLY... plz pray for me... that's all i'm sayin...

ok... so, here are some things we could learn from the awzzies so far...

#1- two flush styles to choose for the toilet bowl... more water or less water depending on need... ya know what i'm sayin right?...(and yes the water does swirl the opposite way)

#2- every single electrical outlet has a switch over it to turn it on or off as needed...

#3- they have way less fake, fatty and nasty, chemically processed ingredients in their foods...

#4- they are just some overall pretty chill peeps...

marvelous mysteries...

for all you lovers of all things melodically hillsong... let me tell you sumtin!!!... the new songs i have heard so far... AMAZING!!! just amazing... the WORSHIP too... but that's no surprise.

(pause. sincere. silent. ponder. here)

seriously... just so beautiful... one especially... arms of love (i'm guessing that's the name)... don't know when u guys in the states will be privy to it... i'm guessin not any earlier than june/july... sorry 4 u... sooo, that brings me to another thought...

(another. sincere. silent. ponder. here)

i am just so blessed to be part of such an amazing church... hillsong church... and like i know what some of you might be thinkin here... "awww come on now... it's just a church already, gimme a break"... but it's sooo not just a church... it's a passion, it's a fire... it's a movement... it's alive... it's a SPIRIT... it's THE SPIRIT of the LIVING GOD!!! and it feeds my SPIRIT... and it's when i am most alive!!!

... it's what church is supposed to be and how church should have always been... the term church meaning, a corporate body of believers, not four walls and a roof... and sadly the kind of church that few will ever encounter...

humbled that GOD chose me to be here for such a time as this... learning under and partnering with some of my modern day heroes of the FAITH... people that have spoken into my life, spiritually mentoring me for years and they don't even know it... yet...

sooo, it's all really happening now... at such a fast pace that it's difficult to process through... but i need too... i want too... i will... just gimme some time...

so, on a more random note, my bedroom's messy, my house is empty... of furniture that is, my housemates are now like yet another family... and i'm ready to go to bed cuz... i walk... i dance... and i ponder marvelous mysteries all day long...

much love...jmo

WEIRD... cars, birds, flowers, bugs... and laundry?

pedestrians don't seem to have the right away here, which could prove problematic... being that i'm a true new yorker at heart... let's just say there have been a few close calls... we'll leave it at that... not to mention i keep looking the wrong way cuz im not used to cars driving on the "wrong" side of the road... and what's with all those roundabouts?!? they're just roundabout everywhere...

birds seem to be more beautiful here... like i have never seen before... they make weird noises too...

the flowers are more fragrant here... like i have never smelled before... ordinarily exotic if that makes sense... it does to me... perhaps i'm a bit weird...

oh yeah... gotta remember to take more pics...

the bugs are WAY MORE GROSS here... and they are so ANNOYING and like everywhere!!!... and just so WEIRD!... pests in the truest sense of the word... the ants are smaller, faster and act like they are mentally challenged stimulant addicts... they sooo just swarm up in the most random of places... like on certain dental appliances and the blades of a razor... HUH?... now that's just weird...

and the spiders... weird!!! daddy long legs alright... more like daddy super weird long legs and super weird long arms and just super weird gross!!!

so that leaves us with laundry... did it for the first time here today... that was weird too... weird detergent, weird label, weird machine, weird noises, weird not using a dryer... apparently that's the norm here... just kinda weird... huh...

gotta think of a new word for weird...

today...

well... its about 1 am on feb the 2nd... and its raining here in sydneyland... and well it should... after another hot, sunny, beautiful, australian day down unda... we could use it...and I guess that’s where I’ll start... with the day... today... which is significant for many reasons... after all... all we really have is this day... and now its over, only to start a new day again... tomorrow or today depending on where u r right now... okay... so my point is this... we are not promised tomorrow... and all we get are a bunch of todays that lead us into all of our tomorrows... so instead of living for all our tomorrows, we need to make the most of our todays cuz our today determines our tomorrow... get it?... it’s what gets us to the tomorrows... the ones we dream of anyway... ok, more about this lata...

anyway, i have been here just over one week now and i am finally getting settled in a bit... it’s been hard, but not nearly as hard as it could be or even should be given the fact that i left one version of my life only to begin another in a new place on the other side of the planet... seems exciting, seems exotic, seems adventurous, seems to be the stuff dreams are made of... yep... all true... but what most don’t see or understand is the cost... the price to pay for such an adventure... for such a GOD given dream... its high!!!... and at times, it feels even HIGHER than high!!!... but, just cuz it feels that way, doesn’t make it so...

for the past month or so, i have been indeed feeling the very weight of that cost ALOT!!! singin the silent tune of woe is me... look what i left!!!... look what i gave up!!!... look where i am!?!?... how did i get here!?!?....where did the VISION go that was once so clear?!?!...UGGHHH?!?!... missing the land of familiar terribly!!! and consumed with recounting, recalling and reflecting on how i got to this very place...

however... today, i had this revelation... well actually a few revelations...

#1 being- i haven’t actually paid a dime of this so called cost i speak of... that the true cost would have come if i chose to settle and not take GOD at HIS magnificent WORD... and after all... if we're gonna talk about cost... then let’s talk about cost... HE gave it all... HE paid the price... HE became the cost... so we didn’t have to... ever... selah... pause and think about that...

what if i settled for less than GOD’s best... what if i didn’t actually step out of the “boat” with eyes of faith into ARMS OF LOVE... what would i have missed today?...what i would i miss tomorrow? who would i not become that i could be... that i should be? that i was born to be... for such a time as this...

oh and btw... it's never too late to start... just in case ur pondering...

revelation #2 – our days matter... even if they seem boring, redundant, trite...etc. etc. etc... they matter and they have more worth than u may realize... life is not big occasions... life is... ordinary moments that lead into ordinary days strung together in extraordinary ways...

so... with that said... the silent tunes have ceased and still... i can't shake this fire burning deep inside my heart... which is the very reason i am here in this place and at this place... the very reason of how i got here and why i am here... and the very reason why i left the land of familiar... cuz after all the recounting, recalling and reflecting... i realized that the GOD given dream has actually been realized... yes... “been” as in past the tense...

which brings me to revelation #3... and the parts that have yet to physically materialize... well, that’s ok too, cuz... they're already mine... i don’t have to see it to believe it... i just do... i just know... cuz i know HIM... and that's more than enough...

so, one day, a long time ago... i made a decision on an ordinary day... that changed my life... and each day after that... and after that.... and after that... i have made decisions on ordinary days that have continued to shape and change my life ... and because of those decisions on those ordinary days...i have now entered my GOD ordained destiny and walk in the fullness of all those beautiful promises from all those past tomorrows... extraordinary...

selah... now that's something to think about...

FYI- for all you practical cats out there who have lots of questions and want lots of details about life down unda... stay posted for lots of awzzie details and updates... aussie aussie aussie oy oy oy...

peace... jmo